Telling family and friends that you’re getting divorced, or breaking the news about a divorce to your coworkers can be a painful process. But once your plans are definite, the best thing you can do is to get the news out in the open.
Most people look at divorce as a break-up between a couple or a family, if children are involved. The fact of the matter is that your decision to divorce is going to affect those around you. Mutual friends can be confused about whether they need to “take sides” while some friendships that worked when you were married may no longer be viable when you go out on your own. This is especially true for people who know you through your spouse.
Close relatives and friends usually deserve more details than casual acquaintances such as your co-workers. In fact, it may be in your best interest to tell them nothing if you don’t normally have contact with them in your personal life. An exception to this would be your boss because he or she may need to know if your divorce proceedings will have an effect on your work schedule.
Telling your children about your plans to divorce is, perhaps, the most difficult task you’ll face. Your next step should be to inform your parents, then siblings and other close family members. You may be surprised, but telling your friends can be almost as difficult as telling your family, especially those people who are close to both you and your spouse.
Other individuals that you may want to inform include those who are in your children’s lives such as teachers, doctors, counselors, babysitters and others who know your spouse.
Delivering your divorce news
Telling others about your divorce can be a good opportunity to let your “community” know how you’re viewing the process. However, some have very strong opinions about divorce, and often feel the need to share them with you, even if they have nothing in common with your personal situation.
One way to deflect the conversation away from unwanted advice and steer it towards a more productive and supportive discussion is to actually create your own “divorce speech.” By creating a divorce speech, you share the news of your plans as you would like them to be viewed.
The first step is defining the divorce in the way that you would like it to be understood. By controlling the narrative, you will find that you have more strength. You are the one who decides how many details you want to discuss and in what way.
Next, you may want to identify the role that friends and family might play in your life at this challenging time. For example, you may wish to ask for help with babysitting or perhaps ask for advice about financial or legal issues. Continue updating friends and family as the facts of your divorce change.
Once you break the news about your divorce, you’re more than likely going to be asked a lot of questions. Remember — you don’t have to answer any questions!
The conversation with your attorney
One important conversation which can greatly help you figure out your process and next steps is to have a conversation with a divorce attorney. Buncher Family Law, divorce attorneys located in Orange County, have years of experience when it comes to helping families through divorce. We handle virtually all aspects of family law proceedings that can arise as part of Orange County divorces.
If you’re unhappy in your marriage and considering divorce, take a few minutes to read about some of the worst reasons to stay married.