Are you living in an unfulfilling marriage? These are marriages in which a couple has an affectionate, but passionless or very stressful relationship. You may love your spouse, but you’re just not happy being married. Your situation is not bad enough for you to want out, but not good enough to bring you any real joy and happiness.
Many couples choose to stay in an unfulfilling marriage because divorce can be a traumatic and difficult experience. In some of these “semi-marriages” the spouses are living in a constant state of indecision inventing reasons to justify staying in their marriage because things aren’t all that awful.
The fear of the unknown is just too daunting, so, instead, they throw themselves into their work or hobbies to fill the void. And, sometimes, they fill that void with alcohol, drugs, or an affair which just makes the situation much worse.
Remaining married or leaving is a choice only you can make, but, if you feel that yours is an unfulfilling marriage, take the time to honestly evaluate your situation. You may discover that the problem is with you and not your partner.
This may not be about your partner
Before considering divorce, ask yourself if you’re doing anything that may be sabotaging your relationship and creating an unfulfilling marriage for both you and your spouse. If you’re not expressing your needs to your spouse, whether it’s because you’re unable or unwilling to, you’re going to end up creating a bitter and resentful dynamic in your marriage. Good communication skills are necessary to create a healthy and fulfilling marriage.
If you have unresolved as well as untreated emotional and mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, or PTSD, they are only made that much worse by stress and a dysfunctional marriage.
A major complaint of people who are unfulfilled in their marriage is a lack of sex or a lack of a fulfilling sex life. Is this an issue with you, your partner, or both of you? Do you make certain there is time for intimacy in your day to day schedule – a time for just the two of you to reconnect and have some much needed down time together?
Taking the best steps for you
If you recognize that some of the issues in your unfulfilling marriage are a result of your own behavior, the good news is that you can work on these issues to try and improve the state of your marriage. Unfortunately, if the problems are with your partner that makes things more difficult because you can’t force him or her to work on their issues.
This is especially true if you are married to someone who is narcissistic. This is a person who is self-centered, lacks empathy, and has an exaggerated sense of his or her self-importance. A person with this type of personality will never admit to contributing to the dysfunctional state of your marriage and will blame any marital problems on you.
In this case, you may wish to consider divorce as a way to end a marriage that will never be fulfilling. But there are some tips on how to divorce a narcissist that will help you get through the divorce process, so you have a chance at finding meaning and renewed purpose in a new beginning.
Contacting a divorce lawyer is the first step. At Buncher Family Law, located in Irvine, CA, we handle all aspects of family law proceedings that can arise as part of a divorce.